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16. Jun, 2020
Come Out of the Shadows - overheard on the phone
Relationship with partner is like the carpet, it needs fixing. I am determined.
I can't talk on the phone. I hate. Feel hate. Stuck. I am hated.
My feet hurt. I crave a bath, but with only a shower cubicle my only chance of this is at my parents’ house. Is it worth using £16.32's worth of diesel and making many lies? I can't go the distance. I am weary.
Alcohol fuelled energy heightens fear. I walk away. I walk and I talk and I weep. I am courageous.
Fear lauding over a new life. I walk back. Fear can choke the last breath out of you. I am breathing - just.
I want to look for the light, but repeatedly find the darkness. I am blinded.
Work is busy, consuming sometimes. It's a sanctuary. I am thriving.
The internet going down is like being at the mercy of a champion wrestler. I am exhausted.
Lack of control, drives the nightmares, but also the action. I am awakening.
Walk on hot coals with my head held high or lie down and die with the embers? I am bold.
Once loving arms gripping tightly. Denial will transport us back to the cellar. I am leaving.
I question and fear everything. I am breaking.
My child, on the brink of coming of age, questions and fears everything. I am trying.
Lack of control drives the nightmare. I am scared.
Come with me, I can provide a better place for us. Together like rabbits stuck in headlights, she goes one way and I go the other. I am a leader.
Come into my light and out of your shadows, I whisper comfort to my child who is quivering. I am safety.
The second stage of man kicks back as I beckon my firstborn to follow. I mustn't turn around to look, but believe I have nurtured her to trust me. I am loyal.
Patience please, she cries, patience please, I whisper. I crawl out of the shadows. We are homeless, but not hopeless.
I own this pain. Trouble comes to pass, but not to stay. I am loved.
I find the light and with courage embrace it.
I dial. Feel loved. I see. I move. I am moved. I am loved.
I find a place where my feet still hurt, but I can take a bath.
We are loved. Trouble comes to pass, but not to stay.